I’m convinced that the downfall to society is going to be text messages at this point. I mean, global warming isn’t great either but it’s not happening as quickly as the 5 seconds you get to interpret someone’s voice through a text message.
1. Autocorrect alone is trying to fuck us over with changing what we mean to say to what it wants us to say, setting us up for failure from the get-go. ”hey John, meet me at the restaurant on the corner of Main and Washington” gets translated into “hey John, meatpack it the cornrow of mane and wash me”. Whhatt??
2. people lose their actual voices when they never have to use them. We’ve conditioned ourselves to basically abandon our phones if the ringer goes off and lose the ability to formulate sentences with our mouths.
3. Everything is urgent when we’re made to feel like if we don’t answer a text right away, someone is automatically pissed. “You didn’t write me back so I figured you weren’t interested.” Wow, thanks for that 3 minute window you slammed in my face. Your heart starts racing when you don’t get a response and then you expect the person to give you a solid excuse why they didn’t get back to you quick enough. So you’re kind of having to do damage control on the reg with all of your contacts.
4. It’s the new form of hanging out. Why go anywhere and do something when you can write shorthanded, cryptic messages back and forth with friends. Better yet, invite them all to hang out in the same room and then suddenly actual friends still aren’t good enough so they will text other friends while in the company of friends. I know, its confusing.
5. They are endless. Ever texted someone and you try and say, “ok bye, talk to you later” and they just keep going? Or they ask, “where you going?” Um, maybe to do a real-life activity or take a shit, it doesn’t concern you just stop sending me pointless sentences about the weather and what you had for dinner!
6. The polar opposite of #5 is the kind that never conclude to anything and are left hanging so you never know if the person on the other end got hit by a bus or their ADD took over and they forgot they had a phone. Either way, these kind are like a “create your own ending” mystery novel.
So, the grandma in me wants to call people all the time and make sure people keep their vocal chords in shape. Then the other side of me wants to make plans with my friends this weekend and realizes “see ya at 7:30 Saturday” is so much faster. Ok, you win.